Hypnotic, you're leaving me breathless.

Hey there, my rotting blogger account. You are such a loser compared to my Livejournal account. Hahaha.

But I've thought of something that can make you useful: Since my lovey have full access to my Livejournal, and I don't want to argue with him again, nor cause him pain, nor be close to losing him, BUT GOD I'M STILL NOT OVER WITH SATURDAY, I decided that when I need to rant about him, my ultimate crush (eeewww, hottie?) I'll dump it here in blogger. :>

So can you keep a secret? Can you, can you? You should.

*This should be added to this entry, but since it concerns... Okay, let's call him reserved (haha!) Ahh do I need to explain?

I am so frustrated when dismissal came and we haven't had the chance to talk... Or it's better to say that I wasn't able to approach him again. All I did was burst out my panicking to Jonel. Stupid.

The glances and stares and all have dramatically lessen today compared to last week. Aw. Haha. Yes, it did lessen but it's still there. I really need to talk to hiiiiim. :(

It's been a week since that happened and I'm still far from getting over it. Really, I am FAR from getting over it. I won't have peace of mind unless I talk to him, unless I find out why that friggin' Saturday happened. I thought of talking to him through text, which was kinda impossible and stupid, because a.) I have no phone, I'm still grounded and b.) I won't be able to see his reaction, who knows if he's playing me?

I've been listening to Paramore's Crush crush crush and I Caught Myself and it's not helping. No, it's not helping. Hahaha. Crappy shit.

I am off for a week now, and it's because of him. It's hard to focus whenever discussions are going on. Man, I really can't focus. I guess crushes really drives someone nuts, huh?

I've been crushing on him since we were second year. We were really close, actually inseperable. We talk about a lot of stuff everyday. Dinosaurs, the Bible, anything under the sun. We were seatmates for one quarter but after that he never left me. He always sits beside me. He's my optimist. He always brings me up when I'm down, he brightens up my day. We really had a great friendship and mine... well, developed.

We almost happened twice. One during our sophomore year, but it never happened cause I was stupid, and the other girl was aggressive enough to confess first, blahblahblah. To cut the story short she got him. So we remained friends, I let my crush feelings cease first because the girl's my friend, too. They broke up during summer before our junior year. So I grabbed the chance when our junior year started, LOL.

We almost happened that time, too. We talk that way already, we both know we're going there, he gave me Ferrero for my birthday, blahblahblah. But I can't wait forever, and my lovey came, and so we never happened, again.

And then Saturday happened but I already am committed.

I just want to know why it happened, and I want to prove to myself that I was right all along, that he liked me, too, but never spilled. I just want to hear those words straight from his mouth.

And when I do, my world will be in total chaos.

If you want to have an idea about the Saturday I'm talking about, visit my livejournal account. Maybe you'll find something there.

Who'll read this, anyway?